My Application for the Non-existent Position on the Always Sunny Writing Team

Most people that know me, know that one of my favorite shows is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. All I’m gonna say about this is show is that it’s incredibly smart. The only reason I’ve been told that someone might not like the show for is that “it’s not my kind of humor”, and that may just be true, but I think some of the people who gave those responses just don’t get the point of each episode. That said, in the beginning it is mostly a show about a bunch of assholes that own a bar, but it doesn’t stay that way. It’s actually kind of polarizing, many fans of the way it started out actually don’t appreciate the much more witty social commentary a lot of episodes are made about now.

That was me rambling. Don’t worry Rob, I wouldn’t just try to get on your show by gassing it up. I had three ideas for episodes that I think would be pretty funny so here I am sharing them. You can just add them to the likely mountain of ideas submitted to you from fans, they’ll always be here for anyone to see. Just keep in mind that when you do see them, and fall in love with the ideas that you can use. Just throw me in the writing credits. I’d be cool with that, but if you add me to the team there’ll be more where that came from. 😉 I don’t have full plotlines here, just the ideas for now.

1. It’s Always Christmas in Philadelphia

(That title is a placeholder, and I’m kind of ashamed of it, but titles take time and I don’t think it’s worth holding this post over).

I had this idea one Christmas time, because we all know Baby it’s Cold Outside is pretty creepy, so much so that I thought at one point Dennis could have written the lyrics. It is THE Implication. I figured the episode would open, you guys are talking about holiday music, Dee mentions how creepy the song is, Dennis doesn’t see the problem, and then everyone lays into him to some degree about how it definitely is. Now here’s the twist, and there is a twist. At the end of the episode, Mac and Dennis are in their apartment and Mac asks Dennis if he wants to do something together, but Dennis declines because he has a date or something. Then from Mac’s POV we see Dennis putting on a coat when Mac says: “But Dennis, *CLICK* it’s cold outside.” And then we get a shot of Dennis slowly raising his head in terror, before we cut to black.

I can’t say I have a full plot outlined for this episode, maybe Mac spends the day trying to spend time with Dennis. I just figured this would be a good opportunity to do a musical. Charlie Day is really talented as a musician, and I know the cast has the versatility and ability to sing. It won’t be singing throughout the whole runtime, but just a few songs could be cool. Just because The Nightman Cometh and The Gang Turns Black was so godlike doesn’t mean you can’t do another musical.

2. Sweet Dee Bangs the Waitress

I don’t remember how this one came to me. I was probably thinking about good cold opens. There’s also the fact that (up until recently) everyone had banged the waitress in some form or fashion except for Charlie, and it would have been funny if Dee got there first, even if it was on accident, but I think it wouldn’t be much less funny or out of place if literally the entire gang did. May as well finish the bit.

The main idea with this one is that the gang goes out to a club or concert or something, and Frank mentions bringing or procuring some of “the good stuff”. Then Dee says something like “I have an audition tomorrow so I’m just gonna have a few drinks. I’m not gonna do anything too crazy.” Cut to black. Sweet Dee Bangs the Waitress.

We come back in to Dee waking up, hung over, and she see’s someone with short blonde hair next to her, and looks proud. Checks the time for her audition (she missed it), then the person next to her rolls over and it’s the Waitress. Then, Mac comes over for something selfish, finds out what happened and then it’s a hangover episode from there. With the host of degenerates that have appeared on the show and had their lives ruined by the gang, the steps she ends up retracing can be almost anything.

I really like this idea for two reasons: Firstly, this kind of open has dwindled in the more recent seasons, and I think this is a good one. Secondly, you guys rarely call Dee “Sweet Dee” anymore, and it was a pretty cute nickname. I understand it may not always be organic in dialogue, especially with 90% the lines involving her often involve shitting on her, but the title is a good way to get one in.

3. Charlie Day

This is a recent one, and the reason I decided to make this post since I now had three. It seems so obvious. We got Mac day to show us the tradition, I figured Dee Day would come eventually for the pun, and then it hit me. Charlie’s name is Charlie Day.

Now, this wouldn’t be your normal Charlie day where you may or may not find 3 ghouls. This would involve a bit of a sci-fi element, but since you’ve already done an inception episode where some kind of sci-fi things happen, I don’t think this is out of the question.

So today is supposed to be Charlie’s day, but when he wakes up that morning he himself is Charlie Day, and not Charlie Kelly, except for the purpose of this episode he only recognizes Mary Elizabeth, and not the rest of you all.

The gang thinks he’s just being dumb, cause he’s Charlie. Conversations like…

“Dude, did you forget you’re own name?”

“No, man. My name is Charlie Day. I-“

“He did. He forgot his own name. You’re name is Charlie Kelly. You’re only saying ‘Charlie Day’ because today is Charlie day.”

He sees the waitress, and he expects that she’s his wife, but she sees him as good ol stalker Charlie (which she may be cool with now?) Cause of the whole thing with them having a baby. Please address this more btw! I wanna know how it goes down!).

This kind of thing has a lot of potential, with everything Charlie’s done and all the people he and the gang has interacted with. Mostly though, Charlie Day you’re just so awesome, and it’s cool to see your intelligence shine through Charlie Kelly sometimes, but it would be cool to see Charlie Day in action as just Charlie Day for the one time.

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And that’s all of em. I’m gonna go ahead and get packed and just wait for you to send a plane Rob. I know it shouldn’t be long. And if you’re a passerby reader, tell me what you think of these ideas in the comments. I’m always looking to learn more.

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